I had a talk with one of my daughters recently about the ups and downs of being in one’s twenties—the insecurities, the angst, the uncertainty, and worst of all—the belief that it will never change.
I think one of the best gifts of ageing is the knowledge that everything changes. That we are constantly going through cycles of beginnings and endings. That we are not fixed or static beings. That our minds change, our bodies change, sometimes even our personalities go through a bit of an overhaul.
In mythology, the three main stages of a woman’s life are: maiden, mother, and crone. While the reality of the whole of the female experience is much more nuanced and complex than three phases can offer, these ancient terms can help us understand the primary gift of each stage. The maiden brings innocence and hope. She brings passion and energy. She encourages us to try new things and take risks. The mother (whether she has her own children or not) brings creative fire, nurturing and nesting. And the crone brings wisdom bought at the very heavy price of experience. She knows love and loss, saggy skin, loving and letting go.
In her book, The Power of the Crone, Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes that the wisdom of the crone lies in her belief “that life is for living, death is for accepting and rebirth is for believing it will come to pass”.
Not reincarnation rebirth; this-life-rebirth. All the rebirths. All the new friends and new jobs and new countries traveled to and made new homes. The new recipes and new books.
I also think it’s important to note that messages of “silver linings” and “you’ll be ok” and “you’ll come out of this a stronger person” are almost never helpful. We can never be inside another’s challenges and statements like the above are insensitive. I think our best offering, especially as we age, is a well-lived life—filled with more mistakes than we can count, honesty, humor and ease as we ride the waves of birth, death and rebirth.
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