precious

precious

We all walk in shoes

that are too small for us.

Carl Jung

it's the nails that first

catch my eye, royal

blue, primary blue

he is showing me the

vintage lip gloss

is the red - red? i ask

and he says something

about red-dye number

something and i laugh

no not the dye, at

my age i don't think

about chemicals, i

just want to know

if my lips will pop!

oh girl yes, he says

but you're already

gorgeous

and i tell him he's

gorgeous!

then wander around

the vintage shop

perfectly curated,

with toys and clothes

and cards made by

dos hermanas and

jewelry that takes

reminds me of rummaging

in grandma lil's

jewelry box, treasures,

precious

i don't tell him why

i am there, to find

a treasure, no really

a talisman, an

embodiment of

what shall i call this

project?

reclamation?

folding in?

unfolding?

collecting scattered shards?

inviting in

all the madwomen

in all the attics?

and telling them

you were never mad?

unbelonging to anyone

or anything?

belonging to my self(ves)?

gathering unto one?

with a full-throat munch

scream? relearning knowing

when to sleep and eat and say

no?

yes, all of the

above, and just past the

candles and art books i

see a bronze shoe

tiny the size of my thumb

all swirls of blue and

red interspersed with

white flowers, baby

jasmine, and i remember

that jung quote about

shoes

i'll take these, i tell

the blue-nailed

man who punches the

screen and i see

his necklace, love

your necklace!

and he tells me about

his dad who bought me

the most perfect black

pearl on the most

perfect vacation in

tahiti

and where would you

go on your most

perfect vacation?

and then the blue

nails stop

back to japan, where

i lived as a student

i ask him why and he

says that he found

himself there and i

asked if he can find

himself here and he

says

no, here crushes me

here is too small

for me

and he hands me

my shoe and i hand

him my hand

don't live small, i

say to him but also

to me, you are

too precious

and he squeezes my

hand, and so are you