Instinct

Lying in a hospital bed a few weeks ago as with my insides on fire and awaiting a diagnosis and a shot of the strongest drug imaginable, I had a lot of time to reflect on what had brought me to this moment and this place. I wondered if I’d missed any signs.

The answer is yes.

In the end the doctors diagnosed me with a bunch of virus-related intestinal conditions, but, my non-medical assessment is that the severity of my condition was the result of a failure to listen to my body’s cues.

I don’t think I’m unique in overestimating by body’s resilience and underestimating the importance of rest, stillness, sleep. Nor do I think I’m unique in putting the needs of others above my own. It can seem selfish to care for ourselves, to prioritize an extra five minutes in the shower or turn down social engagements because we’re tired or maybe because someone rubs us the wrong way. We have the right to determine our boundaries. And the responsibility to defend them.

Where do we start?

We start by listening to the body and how and where it lets us know that something is not right. And we go right to that place in the body—for me it’s the solar plexus—and we do whatever works for us to return us to a state of inner-calm Maybe that is talking to ourselves. Maybe it’s deep breathing. Maybe we close our eyes or maybe we walk outside or into another room.

Then, when our nervous system is regulated, we take the steps to honor our instincts. Of course, this is much easier said than done, especially for those of us who fear rejection and displeasing others. Those of us who feel we must explain, justify or get permission to self-advocate. But what if we risked displeasing others? What if we didn’t need to prove, justify or explain?

Maybe we’d have more time to sit in stillness. And listen to the hum of the wind in the trees. And pour our hearts into projects that feel right, that fill us with joy. And maybe we’d stop wasting time on low-energy, negative, happiness-sapping activities. It's not that complicated, really. It just requires us to change some really old and entrenched habits. And be patient with ourselves along the way.

I'll close with a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, who said, Trust instinct to the end, though you can render no reason.

Amen Ralph!